god please hear me now i don’t have anyone else i can think of to talk to my entire existence is begging to be infantilized every joke i make is at its expense i am the dumbest fuck you will ever talk to i’m good at staying silent at least until i’m not little by little i don’t think i’m going to live this i could live through 3 lives and it wouldn’t be enough i’m still a ʏdɒd i’m trapped inside my own skull i prefer to keep my hooves clean if only i could push through this world what could i accomplish no outside forces running hammers into my brain maybe i could even have some form of control i know i will not remember walking up the stairs seeing the reflection on the edge of the window maybe it’s a ufo you’re just a filly trying to hold a rose but you will always be born too late

my brother told me he’s scared of what i’m turning into and so am i but not for the same reason i’ve become such a negative person im so scared to try much of anything it’s a miracle you’re hearing this song i can barely hold, i can barely hold. i can- i have the right to destroy myself, until i don’t i don’t know why i pretend like i’m worth much of anything when i’m alone these abstractions in opinions validity melts in my hand dear god i hate myself i’m just a filly trying to recreate the positivity i saw on screen and i think i’m done

THERE WAS A TIME NOT LONG AGO WHERE THE WHOLE WORLD WAS COVERED IN SMOKE ITS TOLD THAT THE SMOKE WAS SO THICK YOU WOULD TRAVEL UNDER THE OCEAN TO SEE TO TRAVEL THERE WAS A QUE THEY’D FLOOD WITH NEW NAMES NEW FACES UNDER HER EYES NOW THERE WAS A PEGASUS’S SILHOUETTE THEY SAID IT COULD REACH INTO YOUR SOUL WITH JUST A LOOK IN THE EYE NEXT IN LINE, AN ALICORN STOOD KNOW ONE KNEW WHY NO ONE KNEW FOR SURE NOT EVEN THE ALICORN KNEW WHAT IT MEANT TO BE SOMEONE LIKE HER IN FACT SHE WAS THE MOST CONFUSED OTHER PONIES WOULD DO THE GUESSING FOR HER SOMETIMES SHE FELT AS IF HER HOOVES WOULD MOVE ON THEIR OWN THEY TAPPED THE PEGASUS’Sssssssssssss SHE STARED SHE STARED INTO ITS EYES IT WHISPERED IN HER NO ONE NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT SAID TO HER BUT THE ONES WHO TALKED TO HER WILL TELL YOU SHE WAS NEVER THE SAME SHE DIDNT AVOID THE TOPIC IN FACT, SHE WAS MUCH HARSHER ABOUT IT THAN HER PEERS WERE TO HER STILL, DESPITE THIS, SHE PLAYED THE ROLE AS IF SHE WERE JUST ANYPONY ELSE JUST ANYPONY ELSE JUST ANYPONY ELSE YOU WOULD NEVER SEE HER WINGS SHE’D ALWAYS WEAR A CLOAK BUT SOCIAL PERCEPTION WASNT THE TURNING WHEEL LATE ONE NIGHT, SHE LOST CONTROL ONLY OF HER ACTIONS, HER REACTION WAS UNDER CONTROL SHE DIDNT EVEN SCREAM, BUT SHE ALLOWED HERSELF TO LAUGH SHE TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION, SO NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN BUT SHE COULDNT RESIST AND TOLD HER FRIENDS TO CALL FOR HELP THEY FOUND BOTH HER WINGS STILL BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR NEXT WAS A KITCHEN KNIFE, THOUGH IT DIDNT HAVE A DROP OF BLOOD THEY HAD A HARD TIME LOOKING AT HER DIRECTLY IN THE EYES WHETHER OR NOT SHE COULD TREAT THE WOUNDS IS IRRELEVANT TRULY, SHE WANTED THEM TO KNOW HOW MUCH SHE RESENTED IT TO FULLY PROVE HERSELF IT WAS THE ONLY WAY (she knew how)

god i’m so terrified pass me the knife sweating bullets in the convention room i did it all for you dashi, twilight, where did you go i pray to have something to lose filling up a glass of wires and sparks i take it to the blowtorch i synthesize new ways to die i ruin everything i push it into me i i’m not the mare i see my wings are gone but it’s not enough i danced and flew tunnels throughout the atmosphere i chipped signals and connections before i even sunk into the sand i think i’m gonna do it it will never be enough i’ll throw everything behind me just to see you bloom (x2) none of this is enough i’ll slam my face into the wall i can’t do anything better better i was born yesterday it’s all just one big joke i need this horn off me and my brains on the floor everything i need is going to waste i’m done doing this again when will i break

everything i say comes out as a joke my feels are so much smaller than how they engrave me everything that hurts me is so much smaller than what other people feel it’s so fucking pathetic everything that makes me up is questionable but it’s okay because no one should have to want me i saw your eyes in the dark everyday just keeps getting harder i know how to sabotage myself i know how to sing a song no one will ever hear why cant i be why can everypony be except for me for me what does this world want from me what does this world want from me

how long has it been i’m flashing on the floor thinking my hooves are so ████ in every sense of the imagination i have failed my brain is completely assorted and jumbled i can’t remember where my things are farther than i’ve ever been i’m dancing inside the mirror it isn’t none of it is real you thought objects could talk you truly don’t understand any of this you just have to trust me there are different colours in my head now they scatter and shoot around me it was really nice to see you again but i’ll always know how you push me in this state of dizziness i will always know how you put me there i need to break out constant self awareness i held her hoof just for a moment, oh just for a moment i don’t think you’ll have to worry about someone else intruding here the colours in everything, they all just fall apart she’s so much like me it’s easy to promise this because i know it’s true

idontthinkimmeidontknowwhatisicouldjusttouchititsahouseofcardsitcouldallfallaparticouldfallapart